Oral Survey #45

By Raia Fink

Date: Fri, 23 Jan 1998 19:39:01 -0500 (EST)
Subject: 999 bottles of ORAL SURVEY on the wall

note: you can take that as a good omen

ORAL SURVEY: answer the following questions aloud.

Part: not 4

1. If all goes well:

a) we're all gonna die
b) all the pinko commie bastards are gonna die
c) someone will teach us all to sing in perfect harmony
d) all our mothers are gonna die
e) boll weevils shall inherit the earth
f) I'll get the golden ticket.

2. Our economy has failed us because:

a) Ronald Reagan had a vision
b) Jurassic Park III never got released
c) Gary Larson and Bill Watterson just up and quit
d) George Lucas had to go and redo the Star Wars Trilogy
e) I didn't do it

3. Give an informal dissertation on the advantages of space-age polymers over natural fibers.

4. When is a door not a door?

a) when its slightly open
b) when its off its hinges
c) when it accidentally locks itself shut
d) when its ajar! bada bing, bada boom.

5. In enough words or less, oralize your praise for disorganized religions.

6. To be true to oneself, one must be:

a) true to most others
b) in posession of a truly nice car
c) in compliance with one's superego and id
d) Tyrone and the Swamprats
e) a bad, bad man
f) lavishly cannibalized from the neck up

Thank you for participating in ORAL SURVEY. Please come again.
#332 "Ask how people are, but don't wait around for a response."
--Life's Little De-struction manual
and back by popular demand...
more testimonials and such
"I almost peed. you can quote me on that"--Roy 'Ghandiji' Silverstein
o.k. don't mind if i do
"I too have experienced the wonderful benefits of ORAL SURVEY and would
like to share them. Here are the names of two losers who I feel may
benefit greatly from ORAL SURVEY."
--Matthew 'boom boom' Bruce
ouch, Matthew, we're all losers here, but I feel you did the right thing.
"I'm Australian, and I'm almost thirty years old. Can you believe that?
But its true, ORAL SURVEY works for any aged person of any nationality.
ORAL SURVEY is the second brightest spot in my day, right after a relaxing
epsom salt bath."
--Annette 'Dundee' Fidge
Well, Annette, I'd tend to disagree with some of your details. Even if
Canadians actually did exist, though they don't, I don't believe they'd be
able to reap any benefits from ORAL SURVEY. But don't worry, since you're
Australian, I believe you're safe.
"Hi, I'm BeckyII, the lifeguard. I used to have a tough job, but since
ORAL SURVEY, I believe that the world's recreational water spots are safe
once again. Go ahead and pee in the pool. Nobody's watching"
--BeckyII 'huh?' Bailey
honestly, BeckyII, that's really gross.

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