Oral Survey #42

By John Fisher (by way of Raia Fink)

Date: Wed, 19 Nov 1997 23:22:04 -0600 (CST)
Subject: imitation oral survey

Note: Here we have another wonderful ORAL SURVEY. I did not write it.
Jon-boy (Fisher, not Walton) wrote it. He even left us an address
to send responses to. Lets us all say "Thank you Jon for the
wonderful survey." He wanted it to be known as Part: Milli Vanilli,
since its such a fronted act. In any event, I cannot be sure that he
was bored, but I was not, at that juncture, lazy. Also, I've added,
for yer pleasure, all that extra end stuff. Enjoy.

part JonwasboredandRaiawaslazy

1. Describe you relationship with bituminous coal, without using the letter "Q"

2. There's a ____________________ in my pants

a) fish
b) hive of ants
c) hand
d) organ
e) monkey

3. So, if a woodchuck could chuck wood after all, he would

a) chuck as much wood as possible
b) go to sleep or something
c) kick some serious ass
d) rule a small tropical island as a deity

4. A "farce" is best defined as

a) a wacky amalgam of tomfoolery, hijinks, and horseplay
b) one hell of a powerful fart
c) the government of the United States
d) a cross between a face and an arse (ie Marilyn Quayle)

5. Madonna is best described as

a) a hip pop "phenom" that has swept the nation
b) shit on wheels
c) big in France
d) a lovely, moral woman who is not a slut

6. The best use for a Q-tip is

a) you know... (wink-wink, nudge-nudge)
b) dusting your house, millimeter by millimeter
c) collecting wax for a candle from an unconscious bum's ears
d) a healthy, fibrous snack

7. It hasn't rained like this since...

a) sliced bread
b) the Good Lord did send a Flood upon the Sinners of the world
c) the last time
d) like the Dickens, I tell ya

8. When asked, "what time is it," the correct response is:

a) what do I look like, big fuckin' ben?
b) time to get a watch
c) fuck you. pay me.
d) eleventy-twelve
e) well, in Laos it's precisely...
f) but what is time, REALLY? I mean, wow. Ya know?

Thank you for reading this mockery of all that you stand for, Please send comments or questions to [email protected]

#322 "Get into heated arguments about the weather."
--Life's Little De-struction Book

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