- i am not a christian
- i am straight, but not straight-edge
- i have a voracious potty mouth
- i often pretend to be humble
- my parents know nothing
- 'your mom' is my solution to everything
- i don't let my roommate sexile me from the room, though I'd have no qualms sexiling her
- i attend, on average, five of eleven classes per week
- i don't shoplift so that i can claim moral highground for something
- i continue to ORAL SURVEY obsessively
- i have all sorts of vice
- i haven't fed my frog in over six months (yes, its still alive)
- tu madre tiene dos nalgas, and you all know its true
- i spent my junior and senior years in high school squatting on people's web pages
- i'm a liar, unrelenting and world renowned
- i refuse to take out the trash and try to abstain from doing laundry
- i have never, as in ever, made my bed
- there's far more pictures of me on my walls than of any of you
- dilbert is my lord and master. zonker harris is really key too
- i never use test-strips in the darkroom, yet my photographs are immaculate and perfect
- i don't celebrate christmas, but i do have a jesus fetish
- i'm taking five courses and have yet to write a significant paper
- i'm a vegetarian, still for no particular reason
- i let my parents claim me as a dependant, and make them follow through to the point that they cannot possibly be saving money by doing so
- i hung a U2 poster on my wall because i think Bono and The Edge are sexy
- i control the masses through mind games and telekenitic suggestions
- why wouldn't i go to hell? i want to see all my friends after i die
- i occasionally wear nike shoes, and purchase exxon gasoline
- if i found a gopher tortoise, i'd pick it up and keep it as a pet same goes for any endangered species
- i succumb to the power of suggestion
- The Simpsons is my gospel, Southpark is my Bible
- i had a great childhood
- i subscribe to the seven deadly sins, and hope to accomplish them all some day
- i love freaks: albinos and dwarves especially
- "sure i'd tell you if i hated you, don't worry"
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- i use styrofoam take-out dishes so i don't have to eat alone in the cafeteria
- i'm the self appointed leader of the 'little people' and other assorted societal dreggs
- unwritten rules are like open dors for me
- my uncaring ear is a mere half-foot from the shoulder i offer people to cry upon
- i was the weak link to my math team's second-place state ranking
- i'm a joker, a smoker, AND a midnight tokker
- i'm somewhat of a hypocrite, as well as a harsh judge of character
- i refer to people i dislike as 'goat-fuckers' and 'gummy useless substances'
- i was a bully in elementary school
- i am an eyesore to my surroundings
- i hate maple flavor, even pure maple syrup
- i sometimes continue chain letters, just to burden people with ill fortune
- i like to liberate inanimate objects from the oppressive clutches of morons
- i constantly bitch about the cold weather here (in florida)
- if you need to make a prank call, i'll gladly do it for you
- i spit. a lot. i burp. a lot.
- i insist that people tune their guitars to mine
- im selfish and conniving and often lazy
- i get all the sleep i could ever need
- i'm certified in cpr, but could i save a life? i doubt it
- i promise to do things that i never intend to do
- that thing i did. yeah, the really, really bad thing
- i use the words goat, concubine and crack incessantly
- i haven't brushed my hair in months
- i have a picture of rachel's ass, and i'll gladly share it with you
- i don't match my socks
- i've sould my soul to multiple parties for small favors
- i cannot recall the placement of a letter within the alphabet without singing the alphabet song aloud
- "my concern for you may be measured in micro-give-a-shits"
- country charm makes me puke
- im well versed in ebonics, and offer my translating services for small fees
- after all of this, i still don't hate myself
- the list goes on, but its beginning to bore me terribly
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