Oral Survey #79
By John Fisher (by way of Raia Fink)
Date: Thu, 19 Nov 1998 20:05:11 -0500 (EST)
Subject: Return of the Oral Survey ala jefe (fwd)
what is it they say about immitation and flattery and bullshit and ships and strings and sealing wax and what the fuck ever. as you read through this one, it would help to repeat the mantra 'jon wrote it, not raia' but don't repeat it orally, for that would fuck up the raunch factor significantly. he just writes dirty oral surveys cause he's a bitter old man trapped in a forrestry student's body which is, in turn, trapped in the agricultural asshole of the midwest. get it? enjoy....
and yes, jon, i do have the cahones to send this intact, because after all, i don't really have anything to do with it, now do i? heh
Strange as it may seem, my life is based on a true story.
- i've been a naughty girl -
Date: Thu, 19 Nov 1998 18:19:33 -0600 (CST)
Subject: Return of the Oral Survey ala jefe
1. Raia sent out the last survey so horribly late because:
a) she is tardy
b) she is retardy
c) she sucks a llama's balls
d) it's Reagan's fault
2. Please orally describe the sexual habits of vegetarians, without using the tired ol' quip "they don't like meat, but they sure do love the bone!"
3. All I want for Christmas is...
a) teletubbies out the wazoo'
b) Mrs. Claus. Yowza!
c) little Billy Smith's two front teeth, cuz he's a jerkface
d) all of the money. I repeat, all of it.
4. When life gives you lemons, one generally makes lemonade. What does one make when life hands you a steaming glass of hot fresh urine? Please describe this orally, without wild gesticulations, and keep it clean, please.
5. The most menacing weapon possible is:
a) a dorsally armed umbo. Ouch!
b) a rat's ass
c) Raia's cunning wit
d) the Olsen twins... AT THE SAME TIME!!!
6. You might be a redneck if... (note: please do not answer orally. The oral technician responsible for this has been keel-hauled).
7. The best way to avoid unwanted pregnancies is:
a) think of your mom stark naked at all times, riding a camel
b) wear one of those barbed-wire condoms
c) only have rip-roaring anal sex
d) avoid unwanted pregnant women
Thank you for participating in ORAL SURVEY. Please come again.
-J-head McCrack Fishdoggiestyle
(you can call him jon-boy, he don't mind, well, he might, i can't recall. but there's really not much he can do about it, so there)