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Cult Library: Going to Hell

The GMF is Going to Hell

There're only seven deadly sins, but over
sixty (60+) reasons why I'm going to hell.

  1. i am not a christian
  2. i am straight, but not straight-edge
  3. i have a voracious potty mouth
  4. i often pretend to be humble
  5. my parents know nothing
  6. 'your mom' is my solution to everything
  7. i don't let my roommate sexile me from the room, though I'd have no qualms sexiling her
  8. i attend, on average, five of eleven classes per week
  9. i don't shoplift so that i can claim moral highground for something
  10. i continue to ORAL SURVEY obsessively
  11. i have all sorts of vice
  12. i haven't fed my frog in over six months (yes, its still alive)
  13. tu madre tiene dos nalgas, and you all know its true
  14. i spent my junior and senior years in high school squatting on people's web pages
  15. i'm a liar, unrelenting and world renowned
  16. i refuse to take out the trash and try to abstain from doing laundry
  17. i have never, as in ever, made my bed
  18. there's far more pictures of me on my walls than of any of you
  19. dilbert is my lord and master. zonker harris is really key too
  20. i never use test-strips in the darkroom, yet my photographs are immaculate and perfect
  21. i don't celebrate christmas, but i do have a jesus fetish
  22. i'm taking five courses and have yet to write a significant paper
  23. i'm a vegetarian, still for no particular reason
  24. i let my parents claim me as a dependant, and make them follow through to the point that they cannot possibly be saving money by doing so
  25. i hung a U2 poster on my wall because i think Bono and The Edge are sexy
  26. i control the masses through mind games and telekenitic suggestions
  27. why wouldn't i go to hell? i want to see all my friends after i die
  28. i occasionally wear nike shoes, and purchase exxon gasoline
  29. if i found a gopher tortoise, i'd pick it up and keep it as a pet same goes for any endangered species
  30. i succumb to the power of suggestion
  31. The Simpsons is my gospel, Southpark is my Bible
  32. i had a great childhood
  33. i subscribe to the seven deadly sins, and hope to accomplish them all some day
  34. i love freaks: albinos and dwarves especially
  35. "sure i'd tell you if i hated you, don't worry"
  1. i use styrofoam take-out dishes so i don't have to eat alone in the cafeteria
  2. i'm the self appointed leader of the 'little people' and other assorted societal dreggs
  3. unwritten rules are like open dors for me
  4. my uncaring ear is a mere half-foot from the shoulder i offer people to cry upon
  5. i was the weak link to my math team's second-place state ranking
  6. i'm a joker, a smoker, AND a midnight tokker
  7. i'm somewhat of a hypocrite, as well as a harsh judge of character
  8. i refer to people i dislike as 'goat-fuckers' and 'gummy useless substances'
  9. i was a bully in elementary school
  10. i am an eyesore to my surroundings
  11. i hate maple flavor, even pure maple syrup
  12. i sometimes continue chain letters, just to burden people with ill fortune
  13. i like to liberate inanimate objects from the oppressive clutches of morons
  14. i constantly bitch about the cold weather here (in florida)
  15. if you need to make a prank call, i'll gladly do it for you
  16. i spit. a lot. i burp. a lot.
  17. i insist that people tune their guitars to mine
  18. im selfish and conniving and often lazy
  19. i get all the sleep i could ever need
  20. i'm certified in cpr, but could i save a life? i doubt it
  21. i promise to do things that i never intend to do
  22. that thing i did. yeah, the really, really bad thing
  23. i use the words goat, concubine and crack incessantly
  24. i haven't brushed my hair in months
  25. i have a picture of rachel's ass, and i'll gladly share it with you
  26. i don't match my socks
  27. i've sould my soul to multiple parties for small favors
  28. i cannot recall the placement of a letter within the alphabet without singing the alphabet song aloud
  29. "my concern for you may be measured in micro-give-a-shits"
  30. country charm makes me puke
  31. im well versed in ebonics, and offer my translating services for small fees
  32. after all of this, i still don't hate myself
  33. the list goes on, but its beginning to bore me terribly
Last modified: 11/25/99